To switch things up a bit, I'm actually going to be comparing "A Temporary Matter" and "The Third and Final Continent". The differing dynamics of these two marriages intrigue me. One for love and fallen apart, the other arranged and standing strong.
One just has to look at it and ask "Why?"
Shoba and Shukumar were obviously very much in love at one time. They were Americans with Indian heritage and lived by American ideals-- for all that they ate Indian food. And when their marriage hit a rough part it fell apart, like so many American marriages.
On the other hand, the man from "The Third and Final Continent" and his wife, Mala, had an arranged marriage. One doesn't find out what trials and tribulations they went through as a couple (there always are some), but we do find out that they live a happy life together as close a couple can be.
Now what is the difference here?
I think it is a sense of duty.
Americans are raised to do what they want when they want. We have freedom, dammnit! Whereas, India's culture focuses much more on a sense of duty. You have a duty to your community, your parents, your siblings, your spouse, and your children.
I'm not saying that women should always stay at home and cook, while men should always be the providers. I'm just saying that you should look at this example of sharing responsibilities and refusing to give up because you can't as something that makes a successful marriage. More often than not, it is a sense of responsibility that keeps a marriage together, passion is a bonus.
Shoba and Shukumar both chose to ignore their responsibilities and look at what happened to them. The couple together out of obligation turned out much better.
This is why I did not mind seeing the women "objectified", as people put it, because though the women had a duty her husband, he also had a duty to her. To me, that the most important point. Any two fools can fall in love, but couples often fail when it comes to actually making things work.
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Great observation. I really think there's something to be said about our consumerist culture as it relates to marriage, as well as pretty much everything else. Bad product? Buy another one. Bad car? Buy another one. Bad marriage? Get a divorce. It's devaluing something that should be one of a kind, and so people will jump headfirst into marriage at the first sign of love when they would do much better to think the decision through first. I can't help but be disappointed at kids who marry right out of high school (Or in high school) when they're 'so in love' without looking a few years ahead.
ReplyDeleteI cannot begin to fathom why many people in this country continue treat marriage, which should be one of the most important decisions one can make, as less important as eating.
ReplyDeleteI mean, we don't go through the supermarket pulling anything that's packaged nicely off the shelves and eating it. We make sure we're not in the rat poison aisle. Likewise, if one is contemplating a particularly luscious-looking berry in the mountains, one consults a field guide. Or one asks me. It is one of my specialties.
But I agree with you, too. I'll continue in analogy. Most common poisons aren't fatal if you get treated. Throwing a marriage away like in "A Temporary Matter" is giving up the ghost and hoping that there are berries and supermarkets in the afterlife.